Investictionary: The investors’ alternative compendium of terms

The world of investing puts you through many experiences. Investing is not only about learning businesses and their agents, but the endeavour also forces you to learn about your fellow investors, yourself and your own idiosyncrasies. Often, there are no words in existence to describe these experiences. Therefore, I thought, why not come up with some.

(Do keep in mind that this exercise was done in jest).


Albeitross: Considering investing in a company that’s great, but has an Achilles heel

Alzhold: Shares that you have held for a long time and forgotten

Buffceoon: Idiot at the helm

Ceoatry: Idolising the CEO, blind to actual company’s performance

Egohld: Being too sure of your investments

Ermhold: Feeling nervous in holding a particular share

Firmin: Convincing yourself you’ve done enough groundwork to enter into a position

Flounderfirm: A company that’s struggling

Guessbuy: Entering a position without due diligence

Hemival: Valuing and viewing a company in a lop-sided, unbalanced way

Hohumbug: Feeling that as an investor, you should throw in the towel

Holmarkt: Checking the market when on holiday

Hopeco: So-so company, great management

Jelloport: An unbalanced portfolio

Kiasuco: The feeling you get of having missed out as it was a company that you’ve looked at

Lumpderoll: Disregarding risk and putting so much on one name or sector

Markethole: Planning holiday around interims and annual reports

Performxiety: Checking your holdings every minute

Pumpaire: Feeling secretly proud you’ve beaten the market

Pethold: A position that you’ve just entered and feeling excited about

Phanto-up: A rise in the share price unaccompanied by news or facts

Pighold: Rolling in the mud position, but for some reason you still hold

Quaqhold: Undecided whether you should hold or sell

Ragmarket: Ill-behaved market

Ratesheep: Reacting to Central Banks policies

Threemice: Blind to risks

Tipchump: Falling for unfounded share tips

Tonned: A heavily indebted company

Tuttut: Feeling that the other investor has got it wrong, wrong, wrong

Twittip: Roaming Twitter in search of investment ideas

Ultrogain: Unexpected major gain in the shares you hold

Ultroloss: Unexpected major loss in the shares you hold

Waltybust: A company that’s about to blunder/fold/underperform

Wanaion: Pretending not to be persuaded by macro factors when you are

Wether: The experience of not finding the word to describe your investing experience and therefore ‘borrowing’ a lesser-known word to describe it

Wowzerball: Amazement at another investor’s insightful call



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